Merry Christmas Nina and Papoo!!

So this post is especially for our Nina and Papoo who live in Florida. Actually right now I believe they are in Michigan celebrating the holidays with the rest of our fam. So this Christmas has been stressful, right now Shiloh is bad sick with a horrible cough....he is so pitiful....Abbey and Noah are doing great though, just waiting in anticipation for Christmas morning! At the moment we are sitting at the table having some hot cocco and laughing together. All the kids are missing their Nina and Papoo! We can't wait to see you.....Love Love

Abbey, Noah, Shiloh Rain, Liz, and Josh

when your son dresses himself in a frilly bikini, you have no choice but to share it with the world.

kids are crazzay

This is what happens when your kids get a hold of the camera......and Noah no-pants is of course living up to his name.......

Grief like an Ocean

So this January will be two years since my sister in law Cassie passed away in a car accident. I wish I could say I've been healed, or that it gets easier. I don't think it does though. I think it hurts just as much, but maybe in a different way. At first it was just pure shock. I couldn't believe she was really gone. I kept thinking she would email me or call me. It was weird. When she died I just could not believe the amount of pain I was feeling over it. I never knew something could hurt so deeply. Finally I went to a grief counseler. I sat there in this room and just wept, telling this complete stranger about my pain and inability to let go of her. I truly felt that if I accepted that she was gone, then that would be it. It would be over and she would really be dead. I thought that if I kept grieving her loss then that somehow would keep her alive to me. So he asked me, if I did let her go....where would that leave me.....I was speechless.....he said alone......and then he went on to tell me that maybe my faith was shallow. I was just flabergasted. NO NO! How could I be shallow? I read my bible, I pray, I lift my hands in church, I speak in tounges!! But deep down, where is my faith? If I trust God, then ALL things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose right? Maybe, just maybe this was a truth I had not fully grasped. So this one appiontment drew me into seeking a new depth with God. Not only did I want to know truth in my head, but I wanted to experience it in my heart. So everyday when I seek him, I'm seeking for what's hidden, some things you may never see or find out if you weren't looking for it. There is a difference between knowing God loves you and experiencing his love. Or knowing you should love others, and actually loving others.....even your enemies, or those who make it hard to love them. Living a fully surrendered life is a choice you have to make every day. It's not easy to say I'm gonna uproot my kids and move them to another country, where situations could be dangerous, and will be hard sometimes. But if this is what I think God has called my family to then surrendering to him and his purpose is a choice I make. And by knowing and trusting God deeply I have assurance that he will take care of us. These things don't come easy. But they do come, if you seek long enough and hard enough.......and deep enough, he will reveal them to you. So life these days is good. But tough, sometimes I see someone who looks like Cassie and the grief washes over me again, like and ocean. And I remember her, her smile, her laugh. And I cry out to God "why!!? why did you have to take her?" I never got to tell her how special she was to me. How beautiful she was, and how much I loved everything about her........but then the Lord speaks yet again..."trust me" and I choose too. I choose him. In the calm, or in the storm, I choose him.......

To Share or Not to Share, that is the question......

To share or not to share.......how to share....when to share.....how much to share????? My big question is about sharing my faith. What God is doing in me, my relationship with him. I've been trying to do this more lately. But you see when I first became a Christian I was very zealous. I shared to everyone and anyone. I soon found out that the more you put out there the more you can get hurt. And hurt I did.....so I made a decision to keep it in and avoid these painful situations. Now fast forward 8 years later. I've had some growth and feeling more confident in my faith so....I decide to share a little....well It has not been going how I thought it would. It's been more hurt and pain. See I have extreme beliefs (if you call believing the bible extreme) And I've always secretly been afraid that if people truly saw me for who I really am, they wouldn't like me. I do believe that Jesus is real, and he died on the cross for my sins. Then three days later he came back alive. His Grace washes over me every day. I believe God can raise and has raised People from the dead NOW! I believe in prophecy, tongues, healing......there is no limit to his power. I also believe hell is real and I don't want people to go there. I have an eternal mind set.......this life is but a vapor. I mean if you say your a Christian....then all these things are in the bible! It's a no brainer right??? Well apparently not. So this is my coming out party.......YES.......I believe I can fly....I believe I can touch the sky, I think about it every night and day....spread my wings and fly away........Ha!! Anyway I'm coming out as an extreme miracle believin, speakin in tongues, dancing before the Lord worshiper.......I Love Jesus!!!! It's no secret any more. It's ok to be who I am....it's OK!!! This is meeeee!!! I'll dance before the Lord, wave a flag, and be unashamed......

pure and holy

So here I am in my walk with God......really struggling with some specific stuff. Humbleness, humility, pride.......you name it. I really make an effort to serve others, then I think "am I doing this to be seen doing it? Or for the sake of serving the Lord?" How can I do things with pure motives? In my heart I love help people I really want to do it. But I want it to be for His glory and not my own. How can I achieve this? I know I know Prayer!! The other day at dance practice Emory prayed "God make us Pure and Holy" and I wanted to cry out "this IS my hearts desire!!" When you are planning on going to the mission field people expect you to be a certain way or think a certain way. But just because I'm on my way to Mexico does not mean I have it all figured out. I'm a person same as you....I'm not special and I'm not any more qualified than you are. I'm just willing.....This is also frustrating. There are pressures all over in the church. To think and feel the way they say. But I don't always agree. I'm really having a rough time figuring things out right now. I know God is doing a good work in me that will be completed in his time. I'm a work in progress.......

Holiday From Hadies

Well, here we go an another Newman adventure! Newman disaster more like. It seems like every time I go somewhere with all three kids alone something terrible happens. Well this time it was Abbey's Holiday program at her school. First of all, boo on all Holiday programs, I hate them all!! So the only reason I went was so I wouldn't be a bad mommy. Anywhoo, so we get there and Noah and I sit up in the bleachers on the top row so we can see Abbey. Shiloh is in the sling and doing fine. Of course as the program starts everything gets all quiet......this is the time he chooses to not just start crying but screaming bloody murder. And I mean he is freakin out, going craaazy. This poor girl gets up and is trying to do a violin solo but no one can hear over Shiloh's wailing. So I stand up and start climbing down the bleachers but it takes awhile and Noah is following.....so we get outside the gym and I can't get the child to settle down. so I go and nurse him while Noah is jumping around with ants in his pants running back and forth. So Shiloh finishes eating and resumes his screaming. Hence, he cried through the entire program. We never got to see Abbey sing. The whole thing was a monumental disaster. Now I'm at home drowning my sorrows into a bag of kettle corn.

peace out peeps

Another Day Another Doughnut

Adventures in weight loss, that is what this post is about.......So most of you know I have recently had a baby, my third. Well I gained 55lbs with this pregnancy and have been working to take it off. It seems like an uphill battle, I nursing so I'm like starving all the time, and of course it's the holidays.....the season for fattness. I feel as if the world is conspiring against me. Everywhere I look there are treats to tempt me. Pumpkin bread, pie, candy........now I always start off the day with good intentions, and I do eat healthy since I'm nursing but wow, everywhere I go it seems like people are trying to get me to eat. I need a sign that says "can't you see I'm fat! NO, I don't want to sample a cookie!" My mom is the worst, I'll go over to her house and the only thing she has is cookies and cake. Or she'll have the kids over and they will bake cookies with her and she sends them home with a batch of homemade whatever. Then of course church is next, with their evening meetings of dessert and coffee. Or my skinny friends all saying "let's have a sweet swop" I just want to smack them across the face and say "I AM A MASSIVE BEAST! I CAN'T SWOP ANY DAMN SWEETS WITH YOU!" But of course this would be rude. I love my friends, I just get frustrated sometimes. My worst time is evening, after dinner. I get the munchies. When I try to go to bed I'm thinking "theres recees peanut butter cups in the kitchen" they speak to me, calling my name. And of course chocolate is my weakness, just plain good milk chocolate, mmmmmmm. Anyways so I've been trying to train for this half marathon with Molly, who is so good to put up with my fat ass. Sometimes I go so slow she can't even run as slow as me! And I've got all these new aches and pains. I feel like I'm limping instead of running. So these are just a few of my adventures in weight loss. Another day another doughnut, er, I mean piece of whole grain bread.

Too Much Pressure!!!!

So this blog was supposed to be an outlet for my humor but this morning I am forced to use it to vent my frustrations......Why is it that women are under so much pressure to be perfect? I mean we are expected to carry and give birth to children, then of course lose all the weight and look great, whilst taking care of all these said children, keeping the house clean, having a yummy dinner on the table and of course taking care of our husbands......laundry, having a relationship with the Lord ourselves....trying to find time to pray for said husbands and every other person we happen to know.....wake up in the middle of the night with sick children or hungry babies, find time to exercise.....ahhhhhhhhhh will the madness ever end!! What if I want to just read my freakin book every once in a while? Or maybe just sit on my butt? NOOOOOO! And this isn't even mentioning moms who work. Hats off to you! I used to work and found it even more difficult. I feel like I clean up so much and everytime I look around it seems as if I've done nothing. And I'm convinced my kids toys are multiplying themselves since there seems to be more every day.
At the Beginning of the week I always have such great ambitions, like "this week I'm gonna make heathy meals, get up early and exercise, have my quiet time, actually fix my hair and wear cute clothes" then by about Wednesday it's eggo waffles, rushing around to make it anywhere on time, crazy stick uppy hair, jeans and t-shirs - clean ones optional, and a prayer time in the car between yelling at the kids to stop fighting. Then every Sunday I think "this is it" well poo poo on that. No more. I'll have the crazy hair everyday! I'm gonna give all the moms reading this permission to chill out a little today. Let's read our books or take a nap........we deserve to cut ourselves a little slack.....so shout out to all my mommy friends......I love you......you are doing great!!