Breaking the Bloggy Silence

I must apologize to my 2.5 followers for never updating my blog. I know you've been waiting and hoping each day for a new post! I've just been busy from all this child rearing and Ironman training..... but I've been thinking (dangerous for me) about some stuff.... so here it is-

Some of you... probably most of you know I've been training for a Triathlon in June. It's been rigorous, exhausting, and extremely fun! I love a good challenge that brings me to the brink of myself. I need to have goals in my future or I would be hopeless. Anyway I was on my bike the other day and I started thinking about how this training has been different from others.... now, I hate it when people say things like this because it irritates me when everything becomes spiritual and what not BUT.... that is exactly how I feel about this particular goal. The last few months I've been on hiatus in a matter of speaking. I felt so burnt out with the whole mess of church and service and prayer and bible study and and and and.... all these expectations that I put on myself.... everything felt like an obligation and one day I just threw my arms up and said "enough!" I vented to my husband how I was feeling..... I vented to God all my frustrations and waited to be struck by lightning...... I guess He was feeling extra kind that day because I did survive the gripe fest unharmed. I decided that if I wasn't doing things out of a heart of Love then I should take a big step back. I'm learning how to say no. That doesn't mean we shouldn't do things even when we don't feel like it.... but I just felt in my heart that I needed a break and a better perspective. So that is what I did. If I felt like staying home Sunday morning, I did. And I didn't feel guilty about it. If I was feeling overwhelmed with my Bible Study curriculum... I just left it blank. I asked the Lord to please show me grace through this season ( I guess I was feeling guilty still) and He did. I let things roll off my back and didn't worry what anyone would think about it. Who cares anyway? I can't make everyone happy.... trying to do that is how I got in this mess in the first place. So I concentrated on my family and my training. Then, one day I was riding, and a thought popped into my head.... Maybe God created me the way I am for a purpose? I was surprised by this thought because I was beginning to think I had dropped one too many F-bombs and God had given up on me. Turns out you can drop the F-bomb and still be saved.... disclaimer: I'm not recommending cursing, but there are some situations in life where it seems only profanity will do. Like when you smash your finger in the cabinet... or take a spill on your bike with your feet still clipped in... or your child spills an entire box of cereal on the floor then smashes it all into powder. Just a few examples..... anywho, I started to think that my lack of a filter (I've heard people have those) may actually serve a good purpose instead of just getting me into trouble. And maybe all the bluntness which seems to always get me in trouble or leave me with feelings of remorse could be refreshing to some..... Maybe. I'm starting to think I've been limiting myself with all these expectations about how I think I "should" be. Who freaking cares about all that crap?? Maybe I am what I am.... and that could possibly in some crazy messed up world be a good thing... Maybe. That is where the realizations end for now..... I'm still mulling it over. And I've got plenty of hours in the pool, on my bike, and running to meditate on it..... I'm thankful God hasn't given up on me... and I promise to drop fewer f-bombs in the future.... Maybe.