The Importance of Being My Playlist

I am completely dependent on my play list. If my ipod dies during a run I get in my car and go home. One of my worst nightmares is my ipod running out of power at the other end of the trail, leaving me music-less for 2.5 miles. God forbid! Now I have quite a few good running partners so I don't have to run alone too often. But when I go to the gym I have to have my music. Especially if I am braving the treadmill. I abhor that horrible machine. Two miles feels like seven and you can see exactly how far you have gone, or not gone. It is tedious. Now if the gym provides magazines like US Weekly then that can soften the blow. It's amazing how looking at pictures of Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise can make a workout better. Not to mention those pictures of celebrities pumping their own gas or taking a big bite out of a burger. But at the Y they don't see this trash as necessary so they are few and far between. And I feel bad buying them from the store. So I have found that my play list is a workout lifesaver. Nothing too slow and definitely no cheesy stuff. I love The Killers, they are my number one band right now. I can make it through 60 minutes on the elliptical this way. Add Suri and it's even fun. Now once I make it to lifting weights I switch over to maybe some John Mayer. He may be a total idiot, but I like his music. Now let's just talk about weight lifting. I lift about 3 times a week, putting me around all the annoying men at the gym..... 3 times a week. I love lifting weights but I get so irritated by men at the gym. Oh they walk around flexing and grunting. And they drop the weights and throw them around making the most noise possible. Oh and Checking themselves out in the mirror! It is ridiculous, but I can understand men gotta be men so I turn up the tunes to drown them out. Oh and steer clear of the flying sweat! Gross! When the high school kids are there it almost puts me over the edge. 16yr old girls barely dressed fixing their hair and pulling out their wedgies while admiring their new mystic tan. So if John isn't doing the trick I hit some Tom Petty. One of my all time faves. Oh and of course U2 and Coldplay. With exercise and weight loss I need things to look forward to, and great music helps me with my workout. Hey, with all this work there needs to be some fun!

Weekend Wreckless Abandon

What is it about the weekend that makes us loose our weight loss focus? Why is it that I feel totally justified in eating half a box of white cheddar cheezits at 11am on Saturday? If it's ok for Saturday then why isn't it ok on Tuesday? Weird. Of course every Monday is a day of renewal. Each new commitment is made on Sunday night after burgers and Frito scoops. And don't even try to wear those form fitting exercise pants to the gym on Monday. those are strictly Thursday pants. For some reason in my mind the weekend is my "time off" from all this dieting. It's tiring counting all the calories every day and trying to make it in under my daily allotment. I just want a day or two where I don't have to think about it. I may even put sugar in my coffee..... real sugar *gasp*

But with all these thoughts comes one more. Am I only making my road longer? Maybe if I could stay away from that scone on Saturday morning I would have made it to my goal. Or that glass of wine...... No that won't happen. I have realized I can rationalize myself into anything. The dialogue in my head goes something like this: "Well I had a salad for lunch yesterday, so it's ok to have this bowl of ice cream." Or "I had egg whites for breakfast so it's ok to have chick fil a." I am a genius at convincing myself into getting what I want with minimal guilt. I should teach a class.

So here's to making a little more effort every day..... not just Monday through Friday. I think I'll start next weekend.

Adventures in Weight Loss and severe Muffin Top

August 3, 2008 I tipped the scales at 187. That was before I had my third baby. I was hoping the baby would take some of that weight with him. It turns out he only weighed 5lbs 8oz. Are you kidding me! Too bad I couldn't give birth to my butt. I was still in shock that I could actually gain that much weight. I've always been slimmer. So when I went from 135 to 187.... well I was floored. After much thought on the subject I realized that I had gotten pregnant after a very painful year. My sister in law had just passed away, and I was still recovering. Unfortunately recovering meant lots of Purple Onion, Ben and Jerry's, and french fries from Arby's. Put that together with a pregnancy, and well, you get about 60lbs of fattness!

September 2008. It's time to start doing something about this weight. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror. I look more like the michelin man with all these layers. The biggest problem I have is all the nursing was making me so hungry! They say you need an extra 500 calories per day when you're nursing. 500? that's it? I could eat that many calories in my sleep! That's not even one pint of ice cream! (Nobody really only eats one serving of ice cream, do they?) Anyway I was not cleared for exercise yet, so I was walking a little with the baby, and eating plenty, you know, to keep up with the nursing. Peanut m&m's are great for breast milk, didn't you know? At this point I was 176lbs

October 2008. My first trip to Target. I bought a pair of jeans. Size 17. Who knew these sizes existed! I felt horrible and cried the whole way home. My friend gave me her "fat jeans" to wear. I couldn't fit into them. I couldn't fit into someone Else's fat jeans..... major low point. Still holding 176.

November 2008. thanksgiving is coming and I'm giving thanks for all the layers to keep me warm. I get my hair cut short which only emphasizes my chubby cheeks, on my face and my butt. I'm still holding the same weight and disgusted at my younger sister who seems to never be able to cover up her mid driff. And it's a skinny one. Ugh! Also my older sister just hit her goal weight. Great for her! Yadda Yadaa Yadda. No seriously, I was happy for them, in a cynical kind of way. On the upside I have made a new friend who is going to train with me for a half marathon. I'm thankful to make a great friend in Molly, even if she's a beautiful blond with a rockin bod. I'll forgiver her for that because she loves to read and makes me laugh. So I feel I'm on the way to weight loss success. Too bad running can't cancel out Cool Ranch Doritos....

December 2008. Christmas Parties, cookies, wine, eggnog, cookies, cake, cookies. And of course the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks..... Only a million calories. At least I haven't gained any weight. But I haven't lost any either. And running is very tough to do when your thighs rub together and make your pants bunch up a the crotch. Shiloh is still nursing like a champ and I'm still eating like one. I ring in the new year with red velvet cupcakes and champagne. But I'm fasting sugar for the next 3wks so I feel justified.

January 2009. Still running. Still struggling with weight and food. I can fit into a size 14 jeans, but with plenty of muffin top to go around. Anyone want some? I celebrate my 27th birthday and 9 yr wedding anniversary. Cake!

February 2009. Valentines day. Candy, cookies, treats galore. No more fasting so bring on the sweets. Still running and completely puzzled at why I can't loose weight. I mean, I see plenty of skinny women eating sweets..... what's the deal??

march 2009. More of the same. I have a new weight loss friend as my sister in law Betsy just had a baby so we're in the same boat. I giver her my 17's...... they are too big. Hell!

April 2009. I run a marathon 15 minutes faster than I planned. Woo hoo! And I'm at 170. So let me get a woop woop! It was a great time with friends and little Shiloh came along for the ride. I'm feeling more optimistic about this weight thing.

May 2009. I go to Abbey's end of the year party and feel like a huge beast in comparison to other moms. This is difficult. Wish I was my old self.

June 2009. I stop nursing and finally feel like I can get this weight off. I quickly loose 5lbs, leaving me at 165. I finally start monitoring my diet. you know, no more pop tarts, cookies, candy....... more like eggs, whole wheat toast, salads, veggies, fruit, nuts, grilled meat. I'm fine with eating these things. I love them. But I also love bbq chips and cheezits, here in lies the problem. Try and substitute blueberries for chips.... nope, doesn't work. Blueberries are good. But so are cheezits.

July 2009. Summer is here and I feel like a whale in my swimsuit. I'm holding the same weight but finding it hard to loose. My eating is ok but still not consistent. I usually start out great, but really have a hard time around 3pm. That's when I get the munchies. And not for baby carrots. This month we have Shiloh dedicated. It was a sweet day and I did like my dress. Things are looking up

August 2009, I realize my son is one year old and I've only lost about 10-15 lbs of baby weight. PANIC! I join the gym. When I go I wonder if any of the guys notice me. Probably not. But they did notice the huge booger hanging out of my nose one day. DAMN! I just can't win.

September 2009, I'm down a couple of lbs. maybe 163.5. The scale is my mortal enemy. I have dreams of throwing it against the wall or off my balcony. I cannot do this though because it is what grounds me and keeps my from ordering that 470 calorie scone at Starbucks. I'm beginning to think that these people who loose large amounts of weight are heroes. It is so hard. I think they are rock stars.

October 2009 a group of friends are training for the Vulcan 10k. I start meeting them to run. This is a great encouragement and I'm excited to do this race. After completing it I get an email with my pictures. Yea, I should not have worn those shorts. Look out for thunder thighs! Encouragement over. I'm beginning to think that this is my new body and will be forever. I cry myself to sleep many nights.

November 2009. I do a cleanse that gets me down to 155. This is awesome! I feel like I can really do this and hit the gym and the pavement pretty hard. My eating is becoming more consistent. I put a little bit of the weight back on which is normal for a cleanse.

December 2009. The holidays kept me from really loosing but I managed to maintain. I'm excited about my anniversary trip with my husband in February and vow to loose some weight before I go. New York baby! Bagels!

January 2010. I celebrate my 28th birthday and anniversary! I'm down to 150 and feeling like I can really do this. Unfortunately no guys at the gym give me any glances, only the creepy dude at Bruno's. Oh well. This month I have a miscarriage. There is not much to say but it was terribly sad. To try and explain would be a whole other blog post. Comfort food.

February 2010. New York is a great distraction for me. Things start to feel ok. I start using a calorie counter and find success. Down a few more lbs in no time.

March 2010. Shiloh is 20 months and I have gone from 187 to 147. It's been a long road and I'm still not there yet. I'm proud of my achievements so far. We run the Seaside half marathon and I am 30 minutes faster than when my muffin top ran a half the year before! Wahoo! I buy a pair of jeans size 8. Single digits baby! And only 12 lbs to go until I hit pre baby weight. Wow. People are starting to notice and everyone is so supportive. Me and my muffin top are truly blessed.

April 2010. I'm looking forward to finishing up this almost 2yr long stint of dieting. I am tired of trying to loose weight. I'm so sick of salads. Some days it's easy and some days it's not. Did you know an apple at 30g of sugar? That's crazy. And a Moe's homewrecker is like 800 calories. Maybe more. Ignorance is bliss. But I'm working hard and having fun with my running again now that I can do it without feeling like my butt is going to hit someone in the face from bouncing around so much. All in all it is so worth it.

More updated to come on the status of my muffin top.

It's tough being a Woman... Really it is...

Disclaimer: I will be complaining in this post.....

My day started at 5:30 this morning.  You see this is the time that my precious wonderful gift of a child wants to wake up.  I had a hard time sleeping last night so I'm not thrilled to see him no matter how big he smiles at me...oh but he is so cute!  I have this feeling like I might cry.  But I suck it up and nurse him, then make the coffee and get ready to spend some time with Jesus.  I'm glad that I do get this time, with Shiloh playing with his toys the house is pretty quiet and I can really focus..... I savor it because I know it won't last.  I find myself rushing and then feel convicted so I try and focus on God..... but in between my prayers of "God help me not to be too prideful today" and " forgive me of my stubbornness"  I can't help but think: wow the floors really need to be mopped, oh did I remember to put the clothes in the dryer? Crap I didn't run the dishwasher last night, is that poop on the floor? (shout out to you Molly) what should I wear to bible study? I hate my body! When am I going to run today?  I'm hungry!  Losing weight is such a pain!  Girls you know the story.  I feel like there are probably a million thoughts racing through my head every minute.  I'm thinking about my friends and what's going on their lives, and my family too, my kids, am I doing a good job of raising them?  Do I suck at it?  How can I improve?  All while using that scrubber thing on the toilet and answering Noah's question of what is the future.  Whew!  And this is about 10 min of one day!  I mean it goes on and on!  Let's face it ladies, it's tough being a woman!  Now it's tough to be a man too, I don't want to take away from that.  But I'm a woman so that is all I can really relate to. Oh and not to mention being a good wife, trying to stay sexy after three pregnancies, and really wanting to be interested in what's going on with them, encouraging them in their careers and just nurturing in general.  It's a privilege to be a wife and a mother I know, and I love my man, but today I've been reflecting on just how much I have on my plate.  It's quite a lot to juggle!  How do I have that Mary heart of just sitting at Jesus' feet all while trying to do all of that work Martha was doing too?  I mean girlfriend was just straighting up right?  I can relate!  But Jesus just blowed her up, so I guess I need to recognize that..... but how?  Maybe my 5am times are just that... but it would help if I could forget all the little things for awhile and just focus on being a daughter of the King for once..... Thanks for listening....Love you all...

Adventures in Child ignoring

 So finally I'm back to writing in my blog after a bout to writers block!  I was so stressed about it, I kept worrying that I wouldn't be funny.....anyways.....I'm baaack mwaaaaaaa.....

So yesterday I took the kids to the Hoover Library, we were downstairs and I ran into a few of my friends so of course being the social butterfly that I am I started visiting with them and ignoring my kids who were getting stir crazy.  Well we decide to go upstairs and we're riding on the elevator but Noah runs away up the stairs.... so still ignoring him I ride the elevator with my friends thinking I'll catch him at the top..... but when we get there he's not there.  So I don't wanna look like a bad mom so I say "oh he just ran over to the kids area to play" and keep talking.  I know what your thinking... what a bad mom... well your right!!  Anyway I send Abbey to look for him and she finds him so they go over to play with the toys.  So my friend asks me can I help her find a book.... I say sure... never mind my two children I'm ignoring right now.  So I'm looking for this book and I hear a child screaming at the top of his lungs.  Of course I think who's loud kid is that... but the more I hear it the more familiar it sounds.... it's Noah... so I run over to him and he had cut his finger on a door, the librarian is trying to help him but he is screaming in her face NOOOOOO NOOOOOO MOMMYYYYY!!!  There is a huge crowd around him and as I walk up I feel like all eyes are on me and every one is wondering where was I when all this happened.  So I take him to the bathroom and calm him down and we make a quick get away.

So here's a lesson: don't ignore your kids when you can tell they are restless.....

I guess it wouldn't be a Newman family outing without at lest one breakdown, and outburst or two, and some injury

Here's to the Summer!  I better stock up on my band aids.... or maybe I'll start wearing sunglasses every where I go and pretending like I don't know who my children are when they're acting up......

Off the Happy Juice

So this is my newest struggle, all of us know that once you get through one thing something else is lurking just around the corner...... 3 years ago I got on and anti depressant anti anxiety med. I was having some really tough struggles after having my two kids. Let me just say I am so thankful for the help I got from these meds, and for the doctor who helped me see that this wasn't just an easy way out of my problems. Man my life was in a fog, and I had a hard time even getting up and dressed every day. So I took some steps to pull myself out of the pit. I also got some Christian counseling and started exercising every day. All these things together really helped me to get out of my funk. Now in the last month I felt the Lord calling me to rely on him fully. I knew that medicine wasn't a life long solution. Nor did I want it to be, so I went to see my doc and he agreed now was a good time to get off the "happy juice" Well It's been tough. Lots and lots of highs and lows. Some days I wake up and don't even feel like getting up. Other days I feel great. but each week I feel a little better. I really like being off these things! I mean I get so much more excited about stuff.....and although I've had some really bad days all in all I'm glad I did it. I'm thankful to God for being strong in my weakness. I have lifted my eyes unto the hills and found that my help truly comes from the Lord. What a wonderful feeling! When I make myself vulnerable to him, stand before him as I am, he really does come and meet me. It's a wonderful thing to experience! I have to say my poor husband has caught the brunt of all the mood swings, I'm sorry for this, he has been very understanding. Wow I love that man.....what a gift. So Here I am, this is me, stripped bare.....I like it.......

Psalm 139

"Lord you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I stand up; You understand my thoughts from far away. You observe my travels and my rest; you are aware of all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know all about it Lord. You have encircled me; You have placed your hand on me. this extraordinary knowledge is beyond me. It is lofty; I am unable to reach it.
where can I escape your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I live in the Eastern Horizon or settle at the Western limits, even there your hand will lead me; Your right hand will hold on to me. If I say "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light around me will become night" even the darkness is not dark to You. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to You.
For it was you who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began. God, how difficult Your thoughts are for me to comprehend; how vast their sum is! If I counted them, they would outnumber the grains of sand; when I wake up, I am still with You.
Psalm 139:1-18

This has to be one of my favorite passages.....this is the Holman Christian Standard version...I just got it and I've like it so far..... If you are reading this then remember him, for he is with you in the highest of highs and the lowest of lows...."where can you flee from his presence?" He loves you..........